Dealing with downtime

The Summer so far has been hectic so far…

…Or at least it was, until August. Suddenly I’ve found myself with a few weeks of respite (bar the odd shoot for the Nintendo Labo UK YouTube Channel or episode two of the Omen Esports Report)

After I got back from PGI (PLAYERUNKNOWN’S Battleground’s Global Invitational in Berlin) I was ready to keep running, until one day I wasn’t; I decided to record some voice lines as a favour to someone and then just stop. (And by stop, I mean playing video games offline, rather than on my Twitch channel.) In some ways, I was scared of a pause, in case I decided to extend it. However, I had a Google Keep list to keep up with, and so there were tasks awaiting my attention (“blog” has been written on it for ages).

At the start of this week, fresh from a wedding between two beautiful friends in Ludlow, where for once I managed to avoid checking my social media into the double figures, I felt myself coming down with something… But I also had eaten everything and anything I fancied for the past week; I needed to go to the world’s most strenuous gym class, prep a video pitch and stream. Then an early start on Tuesday for a Nintendo shoot in Britstol. Wednesday was for buying new hosting clothes (my word, the amount of clothes you need for events is astounding), prepping for gamescom and yoga. Sure, I felt a bit wobbly, but I’d just work through it, right?

It turned out Thursday would be for learning my lesson and croakily not being able to get out of bed… so apologising to my Twitch community for my absence, I propped myself up with a couple of pillows and finally got round to editing a vlog from PGI.

I wasn’t enjoying being ill, and yet… something about it gave me an added sense of urgency. Instead of doing the most urgent things on my to-do list, I was mopping up the bits I’d relegated into the unessential zone.

Case in point; it had taken me over two weeks to finally get down to editing and publishing my latest showreel. I had everything I needed – including relatively good health – but something always “cropped up”, until I silently pledged not to stream until it was done. In a way, it reminded me of those development tasks I had in previous jobs where I knew I could get it done, but pushed it back time and time again.

But feeling poorly… well now I was obliged to not do anything, and it sucked. I’m writing this on Friday, after another day of cold-angst and it still sucks. This isn’t like the old days of being ill, putting on an out of office and shutting out the world. (Freelancers everywhere – I get it now.)

So I made a deal with myself; rest today, and you may very well leave the flat by tomorrow evening. Amazon Prime has kept me firmly on the sofa for all ten episodes of UnReal series one. Running up and down the stairs has been kept to a minimum. By this evening I had decided some gameplay capture for a future video would be fine; but no voice chat. No audience. (And yes, I allowed myself to write this blog – because the only thing I love more than a to-do list, is crossing things off it.)

Hopefully the respite has worked its magic, and I’ll be right as rain tomorrow, or at least by next Tuesday – that’s when I head to gamescom, where I’ll be hosting the Omen Challenge PUBG tournament alongside ace casters wtfmoses and Matrym.

In fact, it’s especially important for this reason; when I decided to give full-time hosting a shot, gamescom was my first “milestone” to mark that I could do this for the long-haul. Being asked to go is a confirmation that I’m on the right path – but I’m also aware it’s one event, and the hard work will never be over… except for this week’s attempted pause – which may have turned out to be the hardest task of all!

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How to grow up

I’ve wanted to vlog for a while, but knew that simply talking to a camera probably ain’t gonna cut it these days.

There’s something about vloggers like Tanya Burr and Zoella that weirdly compels me to watch – and they are very watchable – but I wanted to do some brief, lighthearted videos that look at different elements of being a so-called ‘grown up’. It’s not necessarily advice for young people that’s helpful right here and now, but it’s about making the idea of being an adult less intimidating, whilst also exploring what that actually means – do your thoughts change? Does your behaviour drastically alter? How do you actually know you are one? What does being ‘grown up’ actually mean?

I’m not planning on talking about makeup and clothes – although I’ll probably wear a lot of silver garments. I’m also not investing in amazing lighting or sound – at the moment, there’s just no point. I’m still exploring the format (and yes, it’s probably very typical YouTube in that I’ll be using jump cuts and cutaways, but hey, that’s the medium).

My first video isn’t about something that everyone will experience – it’s not something everyone wants to do (or sadly can afford, given this day and age), but it’s something personal to me, given that a question I’m often asked is; “why on earth would you live on your own!?” Hopefully my video sums up why I really enjoy it and why it was the right choice for me.

My flat is a shared ownership property – meaning that I pay a mortgage on 25% and pay subsidised rent on the rest. So I can decorate it, but I’m also responsible for paying for repairs should anything go wrong. I can staircase to buy 100%, or I can sell my 25%, splitting any increase in value with the housing association who own the remaining 75%. There’s no point in satirising between as whoever buys next will also be shared ownership and will have to buy my entire share – much more difficult at 50% than 25%.

One of those ambitions I’d had for over a decade (genuinely since becoming a teenager) was to have my own place, and although I don’t own the whole property, I feel that I’ve achieved something.

I should also add, no animals or muppets were harmed in the making of the above vlog, although my sofa is lucky to be alive…

More vlogs coming soon – please let me know if there’s a topic you think I should cover!